Oh Poop!

So I here I am at the cusp of something really profound, something meaningful and something lovely. I have this idea that I am meant to speak flowery, poetry like words that will awaken the dead and open the eyes of the blind. Words that will instill passion in the hearts of those who have fallen asleep and will spark a fire inside those who have not felt the Spirit’s flame. … And he gives me this: A story about chicken poop. Isn’t that just the way it is? He just wants to get real with us. A verse out of 1 Corinthians 13 says paraphrased, “if I speak with all eloquence, with the words and tongues of angels but have not love, it is of no value.”

You see God doesn’t care if I am politically correct or use proper punctuation. He doesn’t care that I have a bachelor’s degree or what my qualifications are. I said, “God, speak to me, use me, put your words in my mouth, put your life in my body, put your "Will" so deep within my soul that I can’t find the place that it stops and I start.”  And he answers, not with lofty lovely words but a story about poop.

It’s because we know poop. We know the smell of things that are very unpleasant. We can relate to poop no matter who we are. Every person and animal knows what poop is. And no station of life, be it wealthy or poor has escaped its necessity. No difference in race, gender or age can claim the status of achieving a life that is absent from poop. No one can deny the fact that we are designed to consume and then refuse the waste that is created.

So my story begins with me in my back yard. For those of you who do not know I have recently discovered the joys of urban chicken farming. I have ten “lovely ladies” (as I call them) in my back yard. Now it would be incorrect for you to imagine a spacious backyard of grass because I live in a town home with just a small little patio attached to the back of our home. So as you can imagine, ten chickens can make quite a mess of things as they are known for how often they poop. Every night I put them in the coop and then grab a garden hose and spray off every square inch of my concrete yard. I was picking up a pile of wet straw and waste and placing it around my shrubs and trees and then finished up hosing off the patio. I came inside, washed up and then continued on with my night.

Later on I asked my husband to change our youngest child because it was really obvious to me that he had a poopy diaper. I even left the room so I wouldn’t have to smell it because it was a bad one. About twenty minutes later I smelled it again, and then again and then again. At this point I knew that it wasn’t him so then I started investigating. I am looking all over the place for this smell. Out of complete frustration I take my hands and cover my face. Instantly, I realize the smell is coming from me; from under my fingernails. I had washed up but had not taken the time to really scrub my hands. The smell is chicken poop!

 Now I realize this analogy could be used for many different things, “don’t judge lest ye be judged” or “don’t try to remove the twig from someone else’s eye till you remove the log from your own.” But the word God gave me was dealing with something else.

We live in a world where poop happens. Let’s face it, there is physical poop, emotional poop, mental poop and even spiritual poop. It isn’t meant to be something we continue to live with but rather something that is disposed of properly. In some circumstances it can be utilized as fertilizer if we dispose of it properly but if we don’t recognize it and deal with it, it can become toxic.

God used the chicken poop story to show me that I was dealing with a spiritual poop problem improperly. Recently I had been wrestling with some demons. I had been going head to head in prayer over some demonic strongholds that had been plaguing loved ones. At one point in time God asked me to deal with a poop problem in the spiritual realm and I did. Afterward I went on with life and washed myself in him and continued on only to find myself dealing with issues that I normally don’t struggle with, specifically a spirit of defeat. I just felt so defeated in so many areas and hope was hard to find, soon my joy was being taken and then my faith was starting to crumble. I kept looking for the poop so to speak. I wanted to find the stinky thing and it was keeping me so distracted.

 Just like when I was so frustrated with not knowing what was smelling up my house and blamed the baby, I began to be frustrated not knowing what was stinking up my heart. In a state of abandonment to the search I spiritually put my hand to head and there it was. Like I did when I realized it was right underneath my fingernails I went to the throne, not the bathroom throne but the throne room of God and allowed the Holy Spirit to cleanse me from the filth of the enemy. In one simple moment of thankfulness to God, of worship and acknowledgement of his great power, I was clean.

I had been wrestling with issues in the Spirit that I saw as enormous, I saw them out of context. I thought the world was covered in poop and all along it was only a little leftover stench from a cleanup project. I had asked God for a bazooka to deal with my struggle when instead he handed me a bar of soap. We don’t always know what it is that is plaguing us or where the smell is coming from. Sometimes in these moments of mystery and of crisis we begin to doubt God, to blame, to think that he is absent from the fight. The enemy capitalizes on our lack of understanding and counts on us to look for the smell rather than to cleanse ourselves fully in the presence of God.

I don’t know the struggles that you face but I do know the God who desires to face those struggles with you. He is perfect in his love for you which means that no matter the poop that comes your way his love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control is enough to wash the smell off. We all have our own poop to dispose of but that doesn’t mean we have to smell bad.

I know it isn’t a flowery message about roses and sunshine, and that many people would rather ignore the reality of poop than address it. I am here to say that poop happens, and instead of me trying to take your poop away for you, how about I just encourage you in the truth that we are meant and equipped, each of us individually, to face it, dispose of it and then wash ourselves in him to be clean from it.

I might be talking about your depression, about your disease, about your broken heart. I might be talking about your grief, or your disappointment, or your fear. I might be talking about your anger, or about your sadness. I might be talking about your loneliness, or your poverty. I might be talking about your inability to move forward as though you are frozen in time. I might be talking about your eating disorder or your addiction. Whatever it is that has become that festering smell in your life, that is now not just repulsing you but is starting to drive away others, It is time to dispose of it and wash yourself in him.  God will let us smell like poop for as long as we refuse to cleanse ourselves of it. Instead of cursing him for creating the smell I have begun to thank him for it because without its repulsive fragrance I think I would disregard the need to be clean from it.

     

"Father, we come now and we ask for your cleansing water, we have chosen to remove the waste maybe it has been gone for a long time but there is just this lingering smell. We worship you and we dispel the grime beneath our nails, the thoughts within our minds the pain inside our heart that speaks lies to who you are. We trust you. We worship you because you are a righteous, and loving God who does not desire for us to be stuck in a place of stench and filth from past refuse. God please wash us and give us the capability to walk a clean and pure life with you as we allow your spirit to wash us daily. Cleanse my tongue that I may speak love and light, truth and worship to you. Cleanse my heart that I may know only your righteousness and love as my foundation for all truth. I love you so completely and yet I am so broken so I ask you in your goodness to make me whole once again and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. To you be all the glory and honor and worship forever, amen."

A Little Seed; A Little Spark

I believe that God delights in small things; it was from nothing that he spoke life and the creation of all that we know was birthed. Why does he enjoy taking nothing and making something? The manna from heaven that fed the Israelites, the loaves and the fish that fed the five thousand as Jesus preached were both examples of our human reasoning failing and God providing. Our Lord takes something small and makes something great. I recently found myself very troubled by my inadequacy and I felt small. It was a moment of discouragement and I found myself very troubled when God spoke to me these words: "All it takes is a single match to set a field on fire." When my small self is struck up against the plans of God, I know that I can set the world on fire. Sometimes we dwell a little too long on what we "are not" and it overshadows what "we are".

Why does God enjoy using such little instruments for his big plans? I believe it is so that we will know beyond all our doubts, the truth of his glory, majesty and power. If we know that by creation we were made for a purpose (like a cup made for drinking) and see the impossibility of us fulfilling any purpose without God then we have solved the great mystery of life. The enemy would say, you are just a small tin can, what can you do? And we know as the word says that apart from God we can do no good thing. But when tethered with God's plans we begin to see the usefulness of a cup as it is filled with living water. There is a time coming of great thirst and of great famine in the Spirit and it will be the flourishing, faithful, few that will be given a purpose to be poured out over and over and over again upon the children of God. A harvest so great and yet so few to bring it in. To be of purpose and to be used by the great God of all, is what every man secretly longs for. To be loved, needed, important and to find the reason for why.

My name means my little one. I have always loved it and felt very much like it is a term of endearment. I see my Father God calling to me using those words when he is reassuring me of his great affection for me. Sometimes though being so small brings out the inadequacies that the world and the prince of darkness are all too quick to capitalize on. I find myself questioning God in the midst of my small moments and soon I am in the corner of self doubt because my faith in God has been challenged.

 Christ gave us a parable that speaks to God's opinion on our size. Mark 4:30 is the Parable of the Mustard seed. "Again he said, What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to describe it? It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest seed you plant in the ground. Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds of the air can perch in its shade."   

When God knit you together in your mothers womb, he knew the value and importance of what he was doing. He gave us each a special and unique set of gifts and in that moment that he designed you, he was naming you, and speaking the truth of your worth into the world. You and I are the reason that he sent his son to die. He had so much love for his creation that he was willing to give up his live for the revelation we needed to see our value to him.

He could have stopped with telling us about his love but instead he went and showed it so that there would be no reason to question it. But then why are we still questioning it? The disciples did the same thing when Christ was crucified. Even though they had seen him raise the dead and heal the sick and cast out demons they questioned his ability to use them. You find in the scriptures of Luke after the crucifixion, when Christ returns his disciples were not out preaching about a man who just gave his live for them, but that even though they knew he was risen they went back to what they did before Christ had come to them, they went back to being fishermen. Christ said you will be fishers of men yet in their crises of faith, they became aware of how small they were. It is what happens next that gives me great cause for celebration!! He comes to them, he even appears to them in ways that are undeniable miracles and he says that he is sending them a helper. I think that was a bit of an understatement. He tells them to wait for the Holy Spirit, and when the Holy Spirit comes upon them the will be his witnesses.

Finally they will have, not just the creation to be what they are, nor the calling to be what they are, but they will have the empowerment to be what they are!!!! What great news! We are not expected to be something we are not, we are merely expected to be filled with what it is that we lack, in order to be everything that we were created to be.

So here we are being asked to allow this amazing Spirit of God to fill us, to free us, to move through us, to change us more into his likeness. Will we go back to what we knew before Christ? I love that he doesn't tell his fishermen disciples not to fish, for he knows that they are fisherman, he just says that they are fishing in the wrong place and for the wrong thing! He doesn't dislike who we are, nor does he want to change who he created us to be. He merely wants to complete our purpose and fill us, so that every empty part of us can stop searching and start proclaiming; life to dead, healing to the sick, and sight to the blind.

We need a spirit of boldness to manifest in the hearts of God's people. What would that look like if we all knew who we were, and we all became aware of our strengths and abilities, how would we walk out our faith with this revelation that: WE CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS US.

It takes one little spark to set the whole world on fire for Jesus. It takes one spark!

Thank you Holy Spirit that you are the fire in me that can set hearts a flame with desire for you. You are the wind that blows this fire to every heart that is searching and you are the living water that cools us, and brings us the refreshing truth that we need in order to be alive in Christ. Thank you Holy Spirit that you waited patiently for me to finally allow you to burn inside of me with an eternal flame that can not be put out but only grows the more I spend time in you. Teach me how to be the fullness of who I was created to be in you. Amen

The Yoke That Brings Freedom

 

 

    I often think about the verse in the bible about the yoke.

Mt 11:28-30 – “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

 

     I am someone who likes to feel like a free spirit all while living comfortably inside of my safe controlled environment. I am a paradox I am a caged bird who wants the door left open just in case. I think I struggle the most with the idea of submission and surrender because I hate the idea of a yoke. It looks so uncomfortable and binding and permanent.

 

     It was last weekend and I felt God moving in my heart that my problem has never been that first step of laying everything down at his feet but rather the part where he asks me to take his yoke. Is it a lack of trust and past of failure that cautions me that the yoke is not for me or just my wild untamed heart that wants to be free?

    

     I seem to have a history with wanting to do things for others, but on my own terms. I want to do it my way. When I played the piano as a youth I didn’t understand what I was being taught so I adapted by ignoring the lesson completely and spending hours learning the music by ear. I would come with a shakey unpolished piece of music that I exerted so much of myself to produce only to find my teacher very displeased with the result. What she didn’t know was that after three years of lessons I had not learned to read music. Another example is my desire to cook, I always want to improve on recipes or forgo recipes all together in search of that perfect food that I can take all the credit for. I can’t even begin to tell you of all the failures that my lack of following directions has led to. I just get ahead of myself. I never could just stay the course and follow the lead.

 

     I always saw the picture of the oxen baring the yoke as a struggle and a chore but then I started to think about what the yoke is. It is merely a tool used for maximum productivity while utilizing all the strengths of the oxen.  God doesn’t place expectations on me that are cumbersome but rather gives us a tool to accomplish what we never knew we could in a much smaller time frame than we ever could have imagined. Another common type of yoke is the kind used for carrying water, a person wears this long apparatus over his or her shoulders to carry buckets of water on both ends, the water is balanced and weighs a fraction of what it would weigh if you just carried it at your sides. Longer trips are possible and fewer of them making the task much more attainable.

 

     See we have it all wrong, God isn’t trying to tie us down with a burden that we cannot bare, he is giving us a tool to bare the weight of something that we cannot carry alone, something we are trying to do all by ourselves because we mistakenly think that a yoke is a prison and so we continue on not utilizing our strength all while struggling with our weaknesses. So what is this yoke that Christ speaks of? Our Savior took upon him the crucifixion. Is that the yoke? No the yoke is not the struggle, it is the tool that helps you bare the struggle and if Christ was able to bare what he did we need to be asking ourselves why we still refuse to take this yoke upon us.

 

     What is the yoke? The word yoke is also used in the bible as a caution.

 

2 Cor 6:14 – Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?Gal 5:1: “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery.”

 

We use this verse to warn about unhealthy, ungodly relationships. Is the yoke a someone rather than a something? As Christ returned and spoke to his disciples giving them the great commission he didn’t just leave it at that. He gave them the hope that they should go and wait for the gift he was sending; a helper; the Holy Spirit. I believe that God always gives us the tools when he asks us to do his will. He doesn’t expect us to do it all on our own. He gave us the Holy Spirit, are we utilizing that Connection between man and God? The Holy Spirit is the Yoke that tethers us to Christ, To the Father, to other believers and as we become one in the Spirit we are able to do unspeakably more than we could ever imagine.

 

We have to let go of our pride that says This is my burden to bare, my soil to till, and I will do it by myself. We want the credit for effort even if it means we get very little accomplished. I know I have pride to lay down and its time I tried accepting the gifts before me and getting amazing things done for the kingdom. First step: admitting that you can not do it alone. Second step: allowing God to fit us and equip us with his Spirit. Third Step: Walk in the fullness of  the Holy Spirit; a yoke that is not heavy to bare.

 

 I am so thankful that I do not carry the yoke of the law (Acts 15:10 – Now then, why do you try to test God by putting on the necks of Gentiles a yoke that neither we nor our ancestors have been able to bear?). We negate the purpose of Christ baring that yoke for us if we continue to bare the yoke of the Law. We can only wear one yoke.

 

Galatians 5:1-6

 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

 Mark my words! I, Paul, tell you that if you let yourselves be circumcised, Christ will be of no value to you at all.  Again I declare to every man who lets himself be circumcised that he is obligated to obey the whole law.  You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

 

So many of us are glad to rid ourselves of the burden of the old yoke of religion and law but are then mistakenly thrust into this idea of being free and baring no yoke at all.

 

Romans 6:15-18

What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means! Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance.  You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

 

 Weather it is the yoke of the law or of man, or that I try to walk without a yoke at all, all those paths come up short to the freedom I receive when I walk with the Yoke that Christ promised. I am so thankful that I can be tethered with the Holy Spirit and do mighty things in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

 

I pray with all my heart that you; mighty God, would help me to stay this course. I know that as long as I am yoked to you that no rock meant to trip me or weed meant to stop me, or hard earth underneath me could ever stop the plans that you have. I am called to go out and make disciples and I see a field that must be tilled for your beautiful seed, a field that will contain a harvest that only the store houses of heaven can possibly hold. Father I am all yours and I desire for you to fit me every day with this yoke that keeps us connected. I love you so much and I look forward to a future of me following you instead of you chasing after me. I cannot even imagine the amazing things ahead. All of my heart is yours, I surrender to this yoke and I ask that you would change my stubborn heart and give me a soft and receiving spirit to your voice. Amen

A Dangerous Ingnorance of a Dangerous Foe

 

 It’s dark. You hear a noise and you know someone is there. As if eyes you cannot see are piercing hatred through your very soul you start to become aware that you are being hunted. If you think its all just in your head, that is exactly right and that is exactly the problem.

Our mind is a place easily manipulated  and in our thought life a series of games that we have already lost begin to take place. Our enemies ability to bend reality is unmatched in skill. He is the enemy of our soul, his hatred for us is a hatred founded in despising Love and all that it represents. He never sleeps and he has legions of disciples; demons who carry out his plans. Why am I so concerned with revealing this reality? Although I am not trying to scare anyone, I do desire to shed light on a very dark intruder. I have become lazy and unconcerned about the spiritual realm, as is the atmosphere and temperature of the world these days. I have turned a blind eye to the enemy only recognizing his schemes after they have already been set into motion or completely realized. I have seen many of his attacks as my own sufferings and my own sins, my faults, my problems. I have lost serious ground in my attempt to ignore him and I want back what the thief has stolen while I kept a blind eye.

Let me explain with an example of the attack on my mind that I have faced the last two days. On Sunday a couple hours before a church worship event I was taking a nap and my dreams were taken hold by a spiritual force. I couldn’t have told you if it was from God or the enemy in that moment but I knew it was a very important dream specifically created for me. The dream involved me in ministry and was a well forged series of events that as I awoke, it had unearthed and dredged up a bunch of my insecurities and growing offenses toward some leadership. I felt very determined to stop the offense and to speak out against it. I Thankfully did not do anything in the moment. Then last night I had a dream that my husband had been unfaithful to me. The most alarming part of these dreams is that I had recently asked the Lord for more discernment in spiritual things. Having two disturbing dreams that had the calling card of a spiritual nature was more than a coincidence but weather it was God or the devil I could not tell. 

Let me tell you that these imaginations of the mind did a very serious toll on my heart.  I realized very quickly as the Lord started bringing scripture to mind that it was not from Him. But without the foundation of his words I would have fallen for the (much improved) schemes of the devil. Let me tell you now that if you want discernment you need the word of truth, His truth is the belt in our armor that keeps our pants up! The Word of God is our sword and the shield of faith that flows from his word keeps us protected. Both offensively and defensively the devil will win if we do not stand protected by God’s truth.

Thankfully the Lord brought this wisdom to mind and I was able to see the schemes of the devil for what they were. One amazing thing that came from all of it was that the enemy stirred up some very sensitive issues that I felt the need to defend and fight in my flesh. I would have gone after the wrong enemy. The fight was right it was just misplaced. The word of truth is our sword and shield. God only gives a weapon to us if He is intends for us to use it and I am pleased to say that I don’t have to repress my need for being a warrior, I just have to keep in mind who my enemy is!  

The Bible is constantly telling us to guard ourselves. 

 

 1 Peter 5

Be alert and of sober mind. The enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

I want to point out a few very key things in this passage.

1.       Be alert and of Sober mind

2.       “Like” a lion

3.       Looking for someone to devour

4.       Resist, Stand Firm

5.       Family of Believers are also going through this

 

 1.       Be alert!

Are we aware? Are we sober enough to see it coming? I was more interested in blaming myself or others to realize that I have an enemy and I can ignore it all I want but it won't change the fact that he is on the prowl. By staying alert I can divert! I can keep myself from falling prey. I love the Sober part because if I let my mind dwell on the bad seed, the offense, the doubt or fear, all of a sudden I feel like a crazy person who is out of control with emotion. But by recognizing that I am being attacked I can divert my thoughts to what God says and avoid becoming trapped by insecurities.

2.       “Like” a Lion

His not called a lion but it says he is acting the part of one. We have a true Lion of Judah and we must be aware that it is our true Lion who sits on the throne, not the imposter of power that prowls around “Like” a lion. It is his pride that reveals his true nature. And although we have no need to be afraid we are told to be alert.

3.       Looking for someone to devour.

His intentions are not merely to bother us or inconvenience us or if we are truly ignorant to think he wants to help us. He whispers prideful thoughts of our deserved offenses and as we hold those grievances against the world he has managed to stop the flow of love, mercy and grace, turning brother against brother. And as we stand firm in our justification to be offended, He sits and devours us as we devour one another.

4.       Resist, Stand Firm.

These words indicate our tactical advantage that the enemy wishes for us not to recognize. WE are to resist and stand firm. Location is important and he wants us to move further away from the places that God has set our feet upon, the stronghold of our God will hold during attack but if we step away from our advantage we find ourselves quickly loosing to his schemes. We have the true Lion of Judah watching Guard over us. That is why we must Stand our ground and resist wanting to get into the middle of his games. This is also where knowing the word of God becomes vital. I know we think of God’s word as our Bread and I am guilty of being able to go without food but when you realize that you are in the middle of a battlefield being without a sword and shield isn’t a good position to be in. We need to hold onto his truth and that means daily putting it into our hearts and minds.

5.       Family of believers are also going through this.

It is also important to recognize that the fight is universal and we are not one isolated case. It isn’t for us alone that we need to be filled with the truth, it is for all of God’s family that we fight. We are part of a family of believers and when your family is being attacked, you stand and fight for them. Growing up with siblings you fight every day but if someone else is trying to take down your brother or sister some kind of natural defense mechanism sets in and you want to protect them from the foreign foe. Don’t let the enemy distract you from the truth that we are brothers and sisters and he is at every turn trying to take down our family. Get your fight right! God has given us power to defeat, defend and Stand up against this foe.

When I woke up to the dreams that literally filled me with doubt and fear and seeds of discontent and offense, I could have gone down the path of destruction instead of standing firm. I could have emailed my offenders with my desire to defend myself, or I could have woke up my husband and asked him questions that I didn’t need the answers to. That path of distrust feeds the insecurities rather than subdues them. I will do as Christ did in the desert when the enemy pressed him with half truths and temptations to prove himself, I will not be moved. The enemy hands us seeds for a garden of darkness. Doubt, fear, discontent, offense, jealousy, envy, hatred, lust, or pride are the seeds that he tempts us to plant. We are good gardeners but our garden doesn’t have room for both the seeds that thrive in darkness and the seeds of God that thrive in light. What kind of garden have we been watering?

We have to recognize that if we are feeling the fruit of the enemy growing inside of us that our garden needs to be pruned. God says in John 15 that he prunes, cuts away and burns in the fire that which bears no good fruit. Do you realize that this is not a hateful act but one of true love? He wants to remove the things in us that bare no good fruit, let him kill the plans of the enemy in our lives that have become thorns of distrust and vines of suffocating envy. God has pruned these thorns away until his hands are bloody from the task. I have pruned roses before and walked away with scars. Our savior was given a crown of thorns that pierced his brow and nails that pierced his hands and feet, he was pierced in his side with a sword. He did this so that we could be free from the curse of those seeds of darkness. When he prunes us it is at no cost to us but to him who loves us extravagantly more than we understand. And yet we wince at the thought of the pruning and we moan at the sight of the sheer.      

The opening scene to mankind was a garden. And the enemy has been trying to steal our Eden every since that first seed filled fruit that he presented to Eve. What a pretty little lie. A seed of doubt, of pride, of independence. It was the idea that God is holding out on us. Eve took the fruit and the seed was planted deep inside all of mankind. It was with her belief that if he truly loved her than he would let her have this fruit that then in turn all of mankind has been under the misguided understanding that our true garden is of this fruit. That fruit was never intended for us, it was the fruit of a world that God in his love never wanted for us. Do you realize it is from that same tree that the enemy has been using the same seeds to grow in us a spirit of rebellion and pride, a spirit of jealousy, fear and doubt. The seeds of depression are also fruit from this vine and we have God who has been pulling these weeds as furious as he can, all while we water them.

I am determined from this day on to reduce the need for pruning in my life by cutting off the liar and his seed to my garden. When I feel offended I will use that as a sign that dark seed is in my presence, When I feel alienated, alone, jealous, afraid, ashamed, annoyed, frustrated, restless, stupid, alone, intimidated, alarmed, incapable, depressed and abandoned I will know that the enemy has sown, but he will find no available place to sow in this garden for the Lord has planted beautiful roots of his vine deep within me, intertwining my heart and mind with his. And I will water the seeds of God's will so that I may bare the fruit of one who is not just filled with peace but embodies it, not just one who is aware of love but one who is becoming love. We can not grow two competing gardens of dark and light, we must choose what we will sow, what we will tend, what we will allow to be cut off. What garden are we growing?   

 

I just feel like it's so much work.

Hey You.

I know some days seem like a blessing and a gift and then other days are very trying and the struggle is just overwhelming. I guess I want to encourage you through the other kind of day that no one seems to acknowledge. It is the day that seems to be the kind that occupies my thoughts today.  Its the kind of day where you just don’t know why but you can’t find yourself. It’s as though you hoped in the car and 25 miles down the road you realize you forgot something vital to the journey. You pray that you find it rather than have to turn back but just can’t see it among the garbage in your car that never got thrown away or the toys and articles of clothing that never can seem to make it into the house. You pull off to the side of the road to frantically dig and then you realize it’s at home strategically placed right where your keys were so you wouldn’t forget it. Its like the Charlie Brown cloud that seems to follow just you and even though you can see the sun shining on the world, for some reason its just not shining on you. No this is not an add for anti depressants. Or a sales pitch to sell you something you are missing like a gym membership or a dream vacation. And all the trying to fill that void with the world’s way of filling it isn’t going to fix a thing.

So if you weren’t depressed before maybe you are now but I hope that instead you are encouraged that you are not alone, it isn’t you. The problem is not something to cover up or hide from others. For some reason we think that being vulnerable and open about our unexplained feelings of unworthiness, doubt and fear shows how week we are. But even those women who look like they have the whole world in their hands struggle with this from time to time and if they can’t admit it they are probably living in self doubt so their house of cards doesn’t collapse in on them. We live in a world where we can cut and paste what we want people to see and perceive us as but I think where I get really scared about this out of control feeling is that I feel like this is my only chance. I get one shot at doing this right for my children, husband, and others and what if I mess it all up?

Some days I feel like I applied for a job as a janitor cleaning toilets at NASA  and they mistakenly thought I was an astronaut. I am strapped into a rocket ship on my way to the moon and the only part of the rocket I know anything about is the bathroom and even that looks foreign to me. Do you ever just look at your life and go, I should be so thankful or happy but honestly “What Was God Thinking, I Can’t Fly This Ship!”?

I think the enemy knows when one of his masterful lies has matured into a plant ready to bare fruit. He is a gardener of nasty weeds my friend! My neighbors are older and are not exactly thrilled with my bubbly, growing family. In other words, four rambunctious children living across the street is a little much for them. The only thing we have in common is our love for gardening. Elliot is 3 and loves herself some dandy lions. Yesterday our neighbors are in their yard pruning trees and minding their own business, so in true three year old fashion Elliot runs over to their yard and in a matter of a few seconds has blown dandy lion seeds (in the countless millions) all over their yard. All the while yelling to me “I’m making wishes mom!!” Needless to say my neighbors were less than amused. But I just couldn’t stop thinking about how, here we are trying to tend to our garden, we are exhausted from all the work and the enemy of our soul comes over and with one breath plants the seeds that will develop into a million dandy lions.

I guess we could give up and some days I feel like that is exactly what I am doing but I guess the real question is why are we in the garden? Isn’t it God’s job to do the pruning in our lives, isn’t it God who makes things grow and has the power to kill the weeds? I am outmatched by the devil if I am in the garden alone. He knows gardens, His first deceptive act that plummeted the world into sin was in a garden and the woman was ALONE. Why was she alone? God said as He was creating Eve that his reasons for creating companionship for man was, “It is not good for man to be alone.” He knows that when we wander off by ourselves we are more likely to fall victim to the enemies’ schemes and lies. (Side Note: Adam and Eve where not required to toil in this garden, hardship and pestilence was introduced after the enemy introduced the idea of man being independent. And man believed it making the choice to disobey God and bring Sin into the world).

So as I meditate on the picture of my neighbors scowling at my daughter for spreading her seed as they toil in there yard I realize that I am a reflection of that same frustration. I feel like all I do is work and I fall short, sometimes loving my family feels like an impossible thing. I am toiling and I am tired and I am screaming at the enemy to leave me alone but when I turn around it isn’t the enemy getting the worst of me, it is my family and it is me. I am a neighbor chasing dandy lion seeds in the wind, in a garden that belongs to God. I hate to be the voice of reason but maybe it’s time to stop toiling. Sometimes giving up just means SURRENDER, Surrendering to the true gardener.

 What does a successful day look like? For me it would be that mountain of a “Mother Trucker” on my couch called LAUNDRY! It never goes away! If I could only get it to stop! But truthfully if at the end of the day I have laundry on my couch but my kids put their heads on their pillows with a smile on their faces knowing they are loved; that is true success. Where does that kind of love come from? Do we manufacture it or does it grow from the garden that God is tending to inside of us? We are a complicated creature of contradiction. We long for rest from our toiling but we refuse to surrender the tools in our hands to the loving father who is longing to take care of us, to nurture us to provide for us, and to tend to our needs. I often feel like I give and give and have nothing left for me. What source do we pull from? Our Father in Heaven is our one true source of all we need.

I have been studying the life of Paul (once Saul) in the book of Acts. I am amazed as the effortlessness of his faith. Countless times situations that would have left me paralyzed by inadequacy he turned trial and tribulation into a story of glory to God. He is imprisoned but praising God and through it an earthquake sets him free only for him to stay in those chains to minister Christ’s love to a jailer. It was as if he was blinded to the fact he was imprisoned by physical chains because his spirit was free. We can fight our trials and see them as the prisons they are or we can waste nothing and turn or prisons into heavenly palaces for ourselves and others. We can be like my neighbors and scowl at the devil and his dandy lion seeds or we can be led by the spirit and turn those dandy lions into tea or wine. I say that because currently as I write this my children are in the back yard gathering up dandy lions for a harvest. Why work for the Devil when he can work for us! Have you ever stopped to think of the power of the verse “For God works for the good of those who love him.”? If we can understand the power of our garden tending God, we can find the rest for our souls!

One of my favorite analogies that Jesus tells us in his final days with his disciples before his crucifixion; it is of the vine. We think we are the gardener but God is saying Christ is the vine, and we are the branches. God is the gardener and he will prune us! Our main job in this life is to abide in him. To let the Holy Spirit life flow through us so that we can bare fruit. So that in the end we are not found lifeless and cut off. Our fruit is not produced by our abilities rather it is produced as we abide. Are we abiding or are we toiling?

Those days we feel as though we left the house without something, it is our source of strength we are missing. We are not loosing our minds we are merely missing a part of our life force, and that cloud over our heads can only be chased away by the Sun (Son). Most days I look at God like he is crazy for strapping me into this Rocket ship of parenting. And I may not be able to fly the ship but I can enjoy the ride as he takes me places I never imagined possible. It is His love inside me that can take me beyond what I could have ever imagined.

When we feel so helpless and we try to compensate for our insecurity and incapability, all we were ever meant to do was turn to God and let Him be everything that we can’t be. When the Devil reminds you of everything you can’t do, thank him for the reminder because when we get to the end of ourselves, we get to the beginning of what we can do in Christ. And in Christ we can do ALL THINGS. So don’t be afraid to admit when you can’t go on the way you are. Because it is He who is greater than this world, who overcame all of our can not’s so that in Him we could be overcomers. When you fall or feel pushed down by the enemy make sure to fall all the way to your knees, because in our surrender and praise to an almighty God we find a place of rest for our weary hearts, we find our strength in Him!

The Woman and the Baker

The Old Woman and the Baker

 

Every day for as long as she could remember the old woman would call her Baker and ask for a delivery of her daily bread. The Baker was kind and generous and made delicious bread. Every day the Baker would deliver the bread and every day the woman would go outside to find an almost empty basket with only a few crumbs left. She would call the Baker and ask him to increase the order because she so desperately needed more bread. Some called this bread “patience”, other called it “kindness”, some insisted on ordering “joy” but what this woman desired was called “grace.” She would call again and again asking every day for more grace. She felt as though the Baker was at times cruel for he did not fill the order to her need. One day the Baker responded to her plea for more with the words, “My grace is sufficient for you.” One day he even commented that something was robbing her of her portion. She scoffed at the idea, as she could see no thief in sight. Day by day she went on living off of the scraps, the crumbs, barely enough for herself let alone anyone else. This went on and on until one day she became very aware of her thief.  Selfishness; he stood there eating her grace, sometimes he went by the name “offenses” and she found that the more she fed her offenses the less grace she had. She called the Baker and asked if perhaps he could just make more grace because she had no intention of letting her offenses go. The Baker quickly remarked “It will never matter how much grace I give you because offense will always consume it. If you want to feast upon my grace and the many other gifts I have for you, you must get rid of your offenses.”

 

I realize how heavy this story is, trust me I understand the weight of it for it was a very direct and difficult word for me to hear this week.  I have been asking God for a greater portion of grace and then foolishly thought it was his fault for not delivering on it. I have been carrying a great deal of baggage over the idea that I shouldn’t have to be inconvenienced when serving God. In other words if God required any amount of sacrifice to serve Him or others I just couldn’t find it in me. I actually had told my husband that I wasn’t going to go to a special event that the church was having because it was inconvenient. That morning at church as I was taking communion God spoke to my heart and said, “It’s a good thing Jesus didn’t care about being inconvenienced by loving others, because the cross was very inconvenient.” I can count on my hand how many times I have felt the wind knocked out of me by the convicting word of God, and this particular word was not only that but also just what I needed to snap out of my selfishness.

Later that day he gave me the story of the Woman and the Baker. He told me that my thief was not only offenses and selfishness but also the idea that serving and loving God should be convenient or else it is just optional. I very quickly discerned that my only option was to kick the thieves out and allow whatever portion God had for me, to fill me. I have a new prayer now, and that prayer is that God would open my eyes, that I would be aware of the thieves.  God’s gifts are already available, it is in those moments we find them missing that most likely a thief is in our midst. I have named a few of mine but a few other tricksters are: greed, jealousy, envy, doubt, fear, vanity, unforgiveness, laziness, worry, and lust. Who are we feeding by allowing these drifters in our hearts? Whatever portion of the beautiful fruit of the Spirit that is lacking in us, is being given by God, and a prayer for more will only be consumed by thieves as long as we chose to allow them to stay.

Dearest Father, thank you for our daily bread. Than you for the beautiful fruit of your Spirit. Lord make us aware of our thieves, and help us to eradicate them in the name of Jesus. We want to be full of you and to drink from that living water that will allow us never to thirst again. Lord I lay down my selfishness, I lay down my rights and I ask you to give me knew sight to see your will and the power in the Spirit to follow it. Amen

 

Wandering

Wandering

 

She came looking for him. It had been a while. She was tired and weary, dirty and dry.

“Where have you been my love, for you are weary and dirty, dry and frail?”

She looked up to catch his concerned and loving gaze.

“I went wandering.”

He looked down at her feet and asked her to sit.

“I will wash your feet, come tell me more.”

She took his hand and let him lead her in to the dwelling place.

Her mind was a mess of untamed emotion.

Her thoughts ran quickly. Worry like fire catching all around her.

“I love him so much but my heart is a wanderer, I will never be enough.”

Thoughts of regret and shame reacted adversely with the agonizing torture of his love.

Every patient, stroke of his hand as he washed her feet caused a tear to gently fall form her cheek.

It was quiet, the quiet was so hard and at one point she tried to pull away.

He calmly put one hand on her foot and the other on her heart to stop her flight.

“Where are you now?”

She stopped and looked at his intense gaze.

“I am here with you…”

Her words were stuck inside and although she wanted to speak she could not continue.

“Are you afraid of me?”

She quickly turned to him and adamantly spoke out.

“No I love you, I don’t want to disappoint or hurt you.”

He smiled a gentle smile. He took her hand and embraced her face.

“You misread my concern for condemnation.

Disappointment is the marriage of confusion and unrealistic expectations.

When you love someone you don’t love who they will be, or who they were….

You love who they are.

 Love is not so superficial that it is bound by conditional expectations.”

She still carried the weight of regret for her wandering heart.

“But my heart wanders, I wander and I leave you.”

Again he met her gaze with kindness.

 “Do I look as though I have missed you?

And don’t misread my words.

Your eyes were not looking for me but I was there all along.

Where can you go where my love is not with you?

You may wander but I am like the wind. I am with you always.

My love is not removed when you fail to follow.

The distance you feel, and the dryness of your soul,

It is you bracing for a death of my love that will never come.

If you are thirsty and weary it is not a death sentence nor is it a crime.

You will get thirsty, you will get dirty, you will get weary.

Instead of shame you should feel comfort in your weakness…

Knowing that your one true lover and provider is the remedy.

I am the living water but it doesn’t always rain,

Sometimes you must drink of me.

I am the rest for your soul but you must lay yourself down to receive it.

I know you wander. It is your soul seeking out life.

I am life and in me you will find what you seek.”

So much of a great weight had been lifted off but still she had more doubt.

“I hate the hunger, I hate the thirst, I hate the dirt, and the weariness.

Why can’t I just stay with you? If I never wandered I would never feel the emptiness”

He dried her feet, took her hand and helped her to her feet.

“I don’t ever want you to stop wandering, I love your adventurous and spirited heart.

Thankfully you will always need me.

Like tree near a stream of living water with roots planted deep.

Your branches will wander far and yet your roots will always be near the source.

You wander because you need to reach for something, you reach and grow and stretch.

I do not blame you for your needs.

I hurt because you do not recognize them as a part of who you are.

It is what you are that I love.

I love you, needs and all.

Does a gardener curse the seed he sows for needing water, sun and soil?

He gives it, he gives it so generously as to watch it grow.

He watches for the weeds that would choke it,

For the crow that would steal it,

For the rocks that would inhibit it.

You mistake my tending to your needs as punishment for a mistake you never made.

Just as your needs are not repulsive to me,

The weed, crow and rock are not your burden to carry or your blame to take.

Let me remove the obstacles so your wandering becomes purposeful and fruitful.

I do everything out of a compelling and overwhelming urge to love you.

I am not the cage, I am the door.

 

You confuse a shelter for a trap.

You confuse your needs for a foe and a foe as a friend.

I did not come to condemn but to give freedom to your steps and healing to your brokenness.

So I ask again…

Where are you now?”

Finally the veil had lifted and she could see him for the first time in all his loving kindness.

“I am with you... always... for you are with me.”