I just feel like it's so much work.

Hey You.

I know some days seem like a blessing and a gift and then other days are very trying and the struggle is just overwhelming. I guess I want to encourage you through the other kind of day that no one seems to acknowledge. It is the day that seems to be the kind that occupies my thoughts today.  Its the kind of day where you just don’t know why but you can’t find yourself. It’s as though you hoped in the car and 25 miles down the road you realize you forgot something vital to the journey. You pray that you find it rather than have to turn back but just can’t see it among the garbage in your car that never got thrown away or the toys and articles of clothing that never can seem to make it into the house. You pull off to the side of the road to frantically dig and then you realize it’s at home strategically placed right where your keys were so you wouldn’t forget it. Its like the Charlie Brown cloud that seems to follow just you and even though you can see the sun shining on the world, for some reason its just not shining on you. No this is not an add for anti depressants. Or a sales pitch to sell you something you are missing like a gym membership or a dream vacation. And all the trying to fill that void with the world’s way of filling it isn’t going to fix a thing.

So if you weren’t depressed before maybe you are now but I hope that instead you are encouraged that you are not alone, it isn’t you. The problem is not something to cover up or hide from others. For some reason we think that being vulnerable and open about our unexplained feelings of unworthiness, doubt and fear shows how week we are. But even those women who look like they have the whole world in their hands struggle with this from time to time and if they can’t admit it they are probably living in self doubt so their house of cards doesn’t collapse in on them. We live in a world where we can cut and paste what we want people to see and perceive us as but I think where I get really scared about this out of control feeling is that I feel like this is my only chance. I get one shot at doing this right for my children, husband, and others and what if I mess it all up?

Some days I feel like I applied for a job as a janitor cleaning toilets at NASA  and they mistakenly thought I was an astronaut. I am strapped into a rocket ship on my way to the moon and the only part of the rocket I know anything about is the bathroom and even that looks foreign to me. Do you ever just look at your life and go, I should be so thankful or happy but honestly “What Was God Thinking, I Can’t Fly This Ship!”?

I think the enemy knows when one of his masterful lies has matured into a plant ready to bare fruit. He is a gardener of nasty weeds my friend! My neighbors are older and are not exactly thrilled with my bubbly, growing family. In other words, four rambunctious children living across the street is a little much for them. The only thing we have in common is our love for gardening. Elliot is 3 and loves herself some dandy lions. Yesterday our neighbors are in their yard pruning trees and minding their own business, so in true three year old fashion Elliot runs over to their yard and in a matter of a few seconds has blown dandy lion seeds (in the countless millions) all over their yard. All the while yelling to me “I’m making wishes mom!!” Needless to say my neighbors were less than amused. But I just couldn’t stop thinking about how, here we are trying to tend to our garden, we are exhausted from all the work and the enemy of our soul comes over and with one breath plants the seeds that will develop into a million dandy lions.

I guess we could give up and some days I feel like that is exactly what I am doing but I guess the real question is why are we in the garden? Isn’t it God’s job to do the pruning in our lives, isn’t it God who makes things grow and has the power to kill the weeds? I am outmatched by the devil if I am in the garden alone. He knows gardens, His first deceptive act that plummeted the world into sin was in a garden and the woman was ALONE. Why was she alone? God said as He was creating Eve that his reasons for creating companionship for man was, “It is not good for man to be alone.” He knows that when we wander off by ourselves we are more likely to fall victim to the enemies’ schemes and lies. (Side Note: Adam and Eve where not required to toil in this garden, hardship and pestilence was introduced after the enemy introduced the idea of man being independent. And man believed it making the choice to disobey God and bring Sin into the world).

So as I meditate on the picture of my neighbors scowling at my daughter for spreading her seed as they toil in there yard I realize that I am a reflection of that same frustration. I feel like all I do is work and I fall short, sometimes loving my family feels like an impossible thing. I am toiling and I am tired and I am screaming at the enemy to leave me alone but when I turn around it isn’t the enemy getting the worst of me, it is my family and it is me. I am a neighbor chasing dandy lion seeds in the wind, in a garden that belongs to God. I hate to be the voice of reason but maybe it’s time to stop toiling. Sometimes giving up just means SURRENDER, Surrendering to the true gardener.

 What does a successful day look like? For me it would be that mountain of a “Mother Trucker” on my couch called LAUNDRY! It never goes away! If I could only get it to stop! But truthfully if at the end of the day I have laundry on my couch but my kids put their heads on their pillows with a smile on their faces knowing they are loved; that is true success. Where does that kind of love come from? Do we manufacture it or does it grow from the garden that God is tending to inside of us? We are a complicated creature of contradiction. We long for rest from our toiling but we refuse to surrender the tools in our hands to the loving father who is longing to take care of us, to nurture us to provide for us, and to tend to our needs. I often feel like I give and give and have nothing left for me. What source do we pull from? Our Father in Heaven is our one true source of all we need.

I have been studying the life of Paul (once Saul) in the book of Acts. I am amazed as the effortlessness of his faith. Countless times situations that would have left me paralyzed by inadequacy he turned trial and tribulation into a story of glory to God. He is imprisoned but praising God and through it an earthquake sets him free only for him to stay in those chains to minister Christ’s love to a jailer. It was as if he was blinded to the fact he was imprisoned by physical chains because his spirit was free. We can fight our trials and see them as the prisons they are or we can waste nothing and turn or prisons into heavenly palaces for ourselves and others. We can be like my neighbors and scowl at the devil and his dandy lion seeds or we can be led by the spirit and turn those dandy lions into tea or wine. I say that because currently as I write this my children are in the back yard gathering up dandy lions for a harvest. Why work for the Devil when he can work for us! Have you ever stopped to think of the power of the verse “For God works for the good of those who love him.”? If we can understand the power of our garden tending God, we can find the rest for our souls!

One of my favorite analogies that Jesus tells us in his final days with his disciples before his crucifixion; it is of the vine. We think we are the gardener but God is saying Christ is the vine, and we are the branches. God is the gardener and he will prune us! Our main job in this life is to abide in him. To let the Holy Spirit life flow through us so that we can bare fruit. So that in the end we are not found lifeless and cut off. Our fruit is not produced by our abilities rather it is produced as we abide. Are we abiding or are we toiling?

Those days we feel as though we left the house without something, it is our source of strength we are missing. We are not loosing our minds we are merely missing a part of our life force, and that cloud over our heads can only be chased away by the Sun (Son). Most days I look at God like he is crazy for strapping me into this Rocket ship of parenting. And I may not be able to fly the ship but I can enjoy the ride as he takes me places I never imagined possible. It is His love inside me that can take me beyond what I could have ever imagined.

When we feel so helpless and we try to compensate for our insecurity and incapability, all we were ever meant to do was turn to God and let Him be everything that we can’t be. When the Devil reminds you of everything you can’t do, thank him for the reminder because when we get to the end of ourselves, we get to the beginning of what we can do in Christ. And in Christ we can do ALL THINGS. So don’t be afraid to admit when you can’t go on the way you are. Because it is He who is greater than this world, who overcame all of our can not’s so that in Him we could be overcomers. When you fall or feel pushed down by the enemy make sure to fall all the way to your knees, because in our surrender and praise to an almighty God we find a place of rest for our weary hearts, we find our strength in Him!

The Woman and the Baker

The Old Woman and the Baker

 

Every day for as long as she could remember the old woman would call her Baker and ask for a delivery of her daily bread. The Baker was kind and generous and made delicious bread. Every day the Baker would deliver the bread and every day the woman would go outside to find an almost empty basket with only a few crumbs left. She would call the Baker and ask him to increase the order because she so desperately needed more bread. Some called this bread “patience”, other called it “kindness”, some insisted on ordering “joy” but what this woman desired was called “grace.” She would call again and again asking every day for more grace. She felt as though the Baker was at times cruel for he did not fill the order to her need. One day the Baker responded to her plea for more with the words, “My grace is sufficient for you.” One day he even commented that something was robbing her of her portion. She scoffed at the idea, as she could see no thief in sight. Day by day she went on living off of the scraps, the crumbs, barely enough for herself let alone anyone else. This went on and on until one day she became very aware of her thief.  Selfishness; he stood there eating her grace, sometimes he went by the name “offenses” and she found that the more she fed her offenses the less grace she had. She called the Baker and asked if perhaps he could just make more grace because she had no intention of letting her offenses go. The Baker quickly remarked “It will never matter how much grace I give you because offense will always consume it. If you want to feast upon my grace and the many other gifts I have for you, you must get rid of your offenses.”

 

I realize how heavy this story is, trust me I understand the weight of it for it was a very direct and difficult word for me to hear this week.  I have been asking God for a greater portion of grace and then foolishly thought it was his fault for not delivering on it. I have been carrying a great deal of baggage over the idea that I shouldn’t have to be inconvenienced when serving God. In other words if God required any amount of sacrifice to serve Him or others I just couldn’t find it in me. I actually had told my husband that I wasn’t going to go to a special event that the church was having because it was inconvenient. That morning at church as I was taking communion God spoke to my heart and said, “It’s a good thing Jesus didn’t care about being inconvenienced by loving others, because the cross was very inconvenient.” I can count on my hand how many times I have felt the wind knocked out of me by the convicting word of God, and this particular word was not only that but also just what I needed to snap out of my selfishness.

Later that day he gave me the story of the Woman and the Baker. He told me that my thief was not only offenses and selfishness but also the idea that serving and loving God should be convenient or else it is just optional. I very quickly discerned that my only option was to kick the thieves out and allow whatever portion God had for me, to fill me. I have a new prayer now, and that prayer is that God would open my eyes, that I would be aware of the thieves.  God’s gifts are already available, it is in those moments we find them missing that most likely a thief is in our midst. I have named a few of mine but a few other tricksters are: greed, jealousy, envy, doubt, fear, vanity, unforgiveness, laziness, worry, and lust. Who are we feeding by allowing these drifters in our hearts? Whatever portion of the beautiful fruit of the Spirit that is lacking in us, is being given by God, and a prayer for more will only be consumed by thieves as long as we chose to allow them to stay.

Dearest Father, thank you for our daily bread. Than you for the beautiful fruit of your Spirit. Lord make us aware of our thieves, and help us to eradicate them in the name of Jesus. We want to be full of you and to drink from that living water that will allow us never to thirst again. Lord I lay down my selfishness, I lay down my rights and I ask you to give me knew sight to see your will and the power in the Spirit to follow it. Amen

 

Wandering

Wandering

 

She came looking for him. It had been a while. She was tired and weary, dirty and dry.

“Where have you been my love, for you are weary and dirty, dry and frail?”

She looked up to catch his concerned and loving gaze.

“I went wandering.”

He looked down at her feet and asked her to sit.

“I will wash your feet, come tell me more.”

She took his hand and let him lead her in to the dwelling place.

Her mind was a mess of untamed emotion.

Her thoughts ran quickly. Worry like fire catching all around her.

“I love him so much but my heart is a wanderer, I will never be enough.”

Thoughts of regret and shame reacted adversely with the agonizing torture of his love.

Every patient, stroke of his hand as he washed her feet caused a tear to gently fall form her cheek.

It was quiet, the quiet was so hard and at one point she tried to pull away.

He calmly put one hand on her foot and the other on her heart to stop her flight.

“Where are you now?”

She stopped and looked at his intense gaze.

“I am here with you…”

Her words were stuck inside and although she wanted to speak she could not continue.

“Are you afraid of me?”

She quickly turned to him and adamantly spoke out.

“No I love you, I don’t want to disappoint or hurt you.”

He smiled a gentle smile. He took her hand and embraced her face.

“You misread my concern for condemnation.

Disappointment is the marriage of confusion and unrealistic expectations.

When you love someone you don’t love who they will be, or who they were….

You love who they are.

 Love is not so superficial that it is bound by conditional expectations.”

She still carried the weight of regret for her wandering heart.

“But my heart wanders, I wander and I leave you.”

Again he met her gaze with kindness.

 “Do I look as though I have missed you?

And don’t misread my words.

Your eyes were not looking for me but I was there all along.

Where can you go where my love is not with you?

You may wander but I am like the wind. I am with you always.

My love is not removed when you fail to follow.

The distance you feel, and the dryness of your soul,

It is you bracing for a death of my love that will never come.

If you are thirsty and weary it is not a death sentence nor is it a crime.

You will get thirsty, you will get dirty, you will get weary.

Instead of shame you should feel comfort in your weakness…

Knowing that your one true lover and provider is the remedy.

I am the living water but it doesn’t always rain,

Sometimes you must drink of me.

I am the rest for your soul but you must lay yourself down to receive it.

I know you wander. It is your soul seeking out life.

I am life and in me you will find what you seek.”

So much of a great weight had been lifted off but still she had more doubt.

“I hate the hunger, I hate the thirst, I hate the dirt, and the weariness.

Why can’t I just stay with you? If I never wandered I would never feel the emptiness”

He dried her feet, took her hand and helped her to her feet.

“I don’t ever want you to stop wandering, I love your adventurous and spirited heart.

Thankfully you will always need me.

Like tree near a stream of living water with roots planted deep.

Your branches will wander far and yet your roots will always be near the source.

You wander because you need to reach for something, you reach and grow and stretch.

I do not blame you for your needs.

I hurt because you do not recognize them as a part of who you are.

It is what you are that I love.

I love you, needs and all.

Does a gardener curse the seed he sows for needing water, sun and soil?

He gives it, he gives it so generously as to watch it grow.

He watches for the weeds that would choke it,

For the crow that would steal it,

For the rocks that would inhibit it.

You mistake my tending to your needs as punishment for a mistake you never made.

Just as your needs are not repulsive to me,

The weed, crow and rock are not your burden to carry or your blame to take.

Let me remove the obstacles so your wandering becomes purposeful and fruitful.

I do everything out of a compelling and overwhelming urge to love you.

I am not the cage, I am the door.

 

You confuse a shelter for a trap.

You confuse your needs for a foe and a foe as a friend.

I did not come to condemn but to give freedom to your steps and healing to your brokenness.

So I ask again…

Where are you now?”

Finally the veil had lifted and she could see him for the first time in all his loving kindness.

“I am with you... always... for you are with me.”  

 

 

 

 

Justified

Justified

The most difficult part of forgiveness for me is probably the pettiest part of unforgiveness. When it comes down to it, I just don’t want to give up my right to be irritated, annoyed or even angry at someone.  I feel justified in harboring ill feelings toward someone who has hurt me. You see selfishness is a nasty thing and when other people are inconsiderate of me I feel as though their selfishness is not as important as my own. Funny thing Justification is; you have to choose a side, who is right, who is wrong, and it usually comes down to how do I protect me from this not happening. When I put it into words it makes me look very prideful for not choosing to forgive and let go of things.

Some of us are in self preservation mode when we choose to let bitterness grow in our hearts, some of us pick up the offenses of others because we see the evil deeds of man wrecking havoc on the ones we love, some of us are childish. And some of us are a mixture of all of the above. But most of us don’t see the hidden evil of unforgiveness, sneaking up on us, harming ourselves and others more than the original offense itself. It can be as simple as a person cutting us off in traffic or a person being ungrateful when you serve them. Then that little attitude of self righteousness creeps in telling you what you really deserve. Do not mistake this voice for a friend for it is the same voice that will crucify you with regret and shame the moment you make a mistake.

How then do we preserve our peace, joy and love in a world so ravaged by the sickness of selfishness? How then do we become selfless and abandoned to the voice of God who is constantly at work showing the way to freedom? It starts with a turning away. We are called by God to bless those who curse us. We cannot do both that and stand resolute in our unforgiveness. In Justification we end up shouting out like the religious leaders who wanted Jesus crucified, they believed that they stood for justice.

Part of the case we make for justice is our desire to self preserve. We think if we lay down our defenses in humility that we become a doormat for others to walk all over. The difference is to whom we are submitting.  When knelt in submission to God, it is in obedience to our King and not to this world. God isn’t giving us these commands of humility for humiliations sake, but for the sake of our very soul. What good is it to yell out obscenities in the car at a careless driver other than to spread discord in your heart and into the hearts of those in the car with you. What good is it to guard your heart with thistle and thorn against the powers of the air?  Air passes through unharmed while you take all the pain from your thorny prison.

What action then do we take to keep our heart guarded yet soft, protected yet sensitive to the beauty of love ,fortified yet free? We have to tell our justified mind to be silent and make grace our first choice, to make peace our goal and love our priority. We have to choose this day how we will respond and react to the world. Will it be self preservation or will we chose a different defense? God does not merely say that he is loving but rather that He is LOVE. He himself is love, the creator of emotion, and of spirit and of earth, this one true God, is love. Therefore when He says to choose love, kindness and forgiveness in the face of all adversity whether it is a minor offense or a major crime, we are fortifying our lives with love and filling ourselves with the only thing that can and could ever truly protect us.

If you have a cold you cannot kill it with poison, the cost is too high; the cost is a life. You must attack it with medicine, with the only true thing that can destroy it. Yet we fight the wrong way and try to protect against its pain with weapons forged not out of love but out of selfish defense. We protect ourselves completely, only by allowing God to have the job of protector and relinquishing those rights to him. We can then assume the job meant for us, given to us by God, a job that is a commission; to go out into the world, to be love, to be light and to be completely immersed in his presence.

 We cannot welcome the presence of God while harboring the poison of unforgivenss. It will kill us, it will tell us that it can fight the pain inside but what it does not disclose is that it will kill the keeper too.

What does this health and medicine of grace look like? It is asking God for awareness, it is acting in love out of that awareness and it is continuing to choose others needs above our own.

Offense is a forked tongue whispering our rights while dismissing the rights of others. The enemy knows that if we operate sole out of an offended mind built by our perception and misconceptions that we could destroy the world around us. like a single breath blowing down a house of cards, allowing offenses to linger in our hearts can be our destruction. He merely has to get us to believe that we have the right to be offended and we will destroy ourselves and the ones we love, single handedly.  When God says we must humble ourselves take up the cross and follow him, he is not saying that we have accepted defeat but he is saying follow me and we will crucify this beast of selfishness.

We have to stop making it so easy for the Devil to hurt us. It is time to fight with the right arsenal. Are you feeling beat up and completely and entirely attacked at every turn, and your mind is a mess of worry, doubt, fear, anger, and complete depression? It’s time to take up a true stance of defense. It’s time to equip ourselves for a real fight and make our true enemy bleed. The enemy has merely laid out vials of poison for us to sample: Fear, Bitterness, Greed, Selfishness, Jealousy, Anger, Malice, Unforgiveness, and Shame to name a few. Then we wonder why we are too unhealthy to stand up and fight, why we are too tired and depressed, overwhelmed and burdened.

So what can we do?

Simple: Quit taking the poison! If you have been then you need to take a dose of forgiveness to flush it out, and then let your very being be filled with the life giving health of Christ's righteousness that will produce the Fruit of the Spirit.

The Fruit of the Spirit is; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control. If you are not operating in these then consider what poison you may be consuming that is killing your fruit.  

Arm yourself with Thanksgiving and Praise to God. Fill your heart with gladness as you rejoice in his goodness. Offer a submissive and contrite heart. Seek his heart and ask him to forgive the sins of pride and unforgiveness towards his children. Surrender your will. Not to be defeated but to be armed and ready for this battle we face every day. Fill yourself with the Word of truth and you will be filled with the very presence of God. The bible says in John 1:1-2,14

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.”

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

  The word is Christ! He is alive and becomes alive in us as we spend time in him, in his word. And His word says we are to fight evil with good, God’s instructions in Romans 12:9-21 explain it all

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;                                                                                                                    if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.                                                                                                      In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”                                                                                 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

 

So as I consider my desire to hold back forgiveness and to keep my rights to be irritated with others, I must consider the cost for ingesting this poison. It doesn’t take much poison to kill the fruit of peace in my life.  And the cost is much too high. We need to start praising the good that we see in others instead of filling record books with their flaws.

Pray with me.

Dear forgiving Savior,                                                                                                                                            

I ask you right now in all your authority and power to kill the poison of unforgiveness in my heart. I may have a right to hold such thoughts and to keep discord in my heart but if ever anyone had rights to withhold good, it was you. I take your example of perfect forgiveness to a world that rejected you and shouted out with cries for justice when in reality they were deceived by the poison of their selfishness. I will in this very moment chose forgiveness, a forgiveness that I could never have known if it were not for your sacrificial love for me. Thank you Lord that I am no longer bound by an unswerving system of justice but am forgiven and now forgive others as you have asked of me. I have held onto these things for far too long and as I release all of this to you, I seek your protection and your healing. I need your health in my spirit once again and I ask for new fruit to be produced in greater quality and quantities than I have ever known. Help me to hold true to a spirit of forgiveness, mercy and grace. With thankfulness in my heart I ask all of these things in your precious and most beautiful name. Amen

Conditional Generosity?

Conditional Generosity?

 

I believe that we are really good at cheapening some of God’s most beautiful gifts. One of those gifts that I have most recently been aware of abusing is the gift of generosity. Christ lived a life that showed that love is not conditional. Yet I fall short in the area of viewing my generosity as being a conditional kind of thing. I would say that I was unknowingly of the mindset that some of the gifts and fruits of the Spirit are things that are earned and deserved and others are not. Because I felt this way about giving I had a hard time with true generosity, always trying to decide the difference between the deserving poor and the undeserving. I would see a homeless man for example and wonder about the choices he made to get to that place rather than just allow the conviction of true kindness to win out.

I was putting a list of requirements on it like I do when I tip at a restaurant. Like a waitress that makes several trips to check on my food and fills my drink I feel the generosity well up inside of me to bless her hard work, but then I penalize a waiter that lazily sits in the break room smoking, while I go thirsty. I wanted my mandatory “gift” to be deserved. This mindset then followed into the not so mandatory areas of giving. I would question every situation in which it was in my power to act with thoughts like “Would the homeless person use my gift to eat or would he waste it on alcohol and drugs.” I felt justified in my questioning and I decided that giving should be something I would be wise and shrewd about and only if God truly put it on my heart to give, would I give. I didn’t understand that most likely by the time that God spoke it would be too late or that by the time he broke through all the callused layers of my heart I would have lost an opportunity to love. I didn’t know that I had gotten so judgmental about those in need until I recently had an experience with giving that really showed me that I needed to let God purge a little bit of my selfishness out of the mix.

It was just a gas station, I was getting gas, some drinks and snacks for the long six hours ahead. I had my youngest with me, a sweet little three year old full of joy and excitement as we chose our special treat. In the next isle over a father and two little girls were also picking out snacks and drinks. When he went to pay his card was declined. He went out to get money from his girlfriend and when he came back he told the excited girls to put it back, because they had to go. I didn’t even hesitate, maybe because the girls were a reflection of innocence, maybe because God got through to me, but I offered to pay for the snacks. “No just put it on mine.” I said to the teller. He felt embarrassed and starting to decline it, he said, “I feel bad.” I said, “No, don’t feel bad, you have some really precious girls, consider it an early thanksgiving.” He thanked me more than once and we went our ways.

My original thought was that he was acting a little strange, like a man on something, or coming off of something (probably drugs). But that was usually the case with me, I find a million reasons why I shouldn’t just give. I felt a mix of feelings getting into the car and driving through the flat uninteresting prairie of Nebraska. For miles I had nothing to do but count windmills and plenty of time to think. I thought about how good it felt to show Love to a stranger, but I also felt a deep conviction at how new that feeling felt. I would be lying to say the good feeling somehow made up for the selfishness I had been passing off as good judgment or discernment. I felt as though that little bit of light was shining a whole lot brighter because this area in me was a dark and unfamiliar place. I was exposed.

I am not meaning this to be a word that brings condemnation but sometimes revelation to our not so pretty areas tends to feel a bit disturbing at times. I prayed for that man and his family, for those girls, for Jesus to be revealed in all of his goodness. I prayed for forgiveness for the times I just shut out others because I was uncomfortable or uninterested. I also asked God to continue to work in me in this area and to help me not to put stipulations on his goodness. We tend to get a little prideful and want to bless those that we feel are deserving but when we do the choosing aren't we playing God's part? Only God knows what God knows and he has given freely to all. I remembered a verse from Proverbs that spoke to this very situation. Proverbs  3:27 Do not withhold help from those who need it when you have the ability to help.

I am so thankful that Christ took this verse to heart. He was the only one who had the ability to help us. His very life showed compassion and mercy and grace and forgiveness. It is never about what we have or have not done with Christ. With Christ it is the message that no matter how much or how little sacrifice we put before him, His sacrifice was enough to cover our bill. He didn’t ask us how we got there, and he didn’t even care because he saw us as a valued creation, as God’s beloved children and he offered his life to be the sacrifice that would bring us into a place where we could finally know our Father, know a God who this world claims has long left, a God that in truth has been waiting for his children to seek him, rather than chase them as they run. Make no mistake our God has pursed us even unto the death of his very son who offered himself as the way to show that he would go to hell and back for us. He came for us all, he died so that we could understand a love that puts no shame to our name. So as I contemplated my decision to call myself a child of God, I realized that I, not unlike Christ need to show his unconditional love, his unconditional grace and his unconditional generosity.

God may we become more like you, more generous, more kind and more open to love. You are a generous God and if we are really your children than we too should be a reflection of your unfailing generous spirit. Holy Spirit breathe your truth in us and teach us how to stop reacting to the worlds ways and start acting out of love and kindness. We want to honor you in all we do and we know that one of the ways we can do this is by reflecting the truth of your loving kindness.  You are the perfection of balance in all things and we ask for that balance of wisdom and generosity to be present in our lives. We can never love too much, or give too much, or show you too much to others. Let us be as generous with others as you have been with us. Amen

The Language Barrier

The Language Barrier

 

Maybe its pride or maybe just lack of understanding but how many times have I found myself blankly staring into space wondering why I can’t hear God, or why I don’t understand what he is speaking to me.  I say maybe its pride because in our culture we expect everyone to meet us where we are instead of going the extra mile to meet them in the middle.

Several years ago I traveled to Paris with my best friend. We had just spent a week in Ireland and thought it was worth a few extra bucks to hop over to the beautiful city of love, enriched in culture. The week in Ireland that we spent was amazing and very successful due to several things; one, we had a tour guide and two, the Irish speak English. The further south we traveled in Ireland the harder to understand the dialect but it was still possible to communicate on a somewhat sophisticated level. The three days following when we arrived in Paris however was another story altogether.

Arriving in Paris the two of us (neither one knowing a lick of French) began our adventure. We managed to find our way but found many obstacles in not knowing the language. It was often frustrating and I found myself resenting the French people for not speaking English. Here I am in someone else’s country and I, in my arrogance think that they should know my language.  We found ourselves lost and unprepared for this giant adventure more than once.

I find this story enlightening because it is a direct parallel to how we interact with God when communicating with him. 1 Corinthians 13 describes the language barrier very well. God speaks love and unfortunately that is not our native language. “When I was a child, I thought like a child, I spoke like a child but when I grew up I put away childish things…” The love chapter describes a language and gives us the blueprints for speaking it. Love is patient, kind,… It is not selfish, it does not want,… It keeps no record of wrongs…”

So very often we get very upset when we can’t hear God, or when we don’t understand what he is saying. We want him to speak our language so that we can communicate and understand but he loves us too much to let us operate in the world’s native language.

I think back to that trip to Ireland, I mentioned that we had two things that made the trip effortless; a tour guide, and we spoke the same language. Also when we had a hard time understanding the southern dialect our guide doubled as a translator. God is offering those same things for us in the spiritual realm. He gives us the Holy Spirit and his word. Both are vital in learning this new language. Sometimes it seems like a lot of work but I can only imagine the great reward that is in store for those who start to learn this new language.

If I had applied these principles to the trip to Paris several things would have looked different. I would have been a lot less frustrated and also I would have been protected from a very dangerous situation. Honestly it was very stupid for two attractive young females to go to foreign city known for human trafficking with no understanding of the language, not to mention they knew no one on the entire European continent who could help them if they had gotten into trouble.

We learned three whole words the entire time,: “Merci” and “Excuse Moi”. “Thank you” and “Excuse Me”. Joking that that is all you need to communicate in France. But how arrogant and sad is it that we thought we could get by with three words? And yet we try to speak the language of love with God, saying only “Thank you” and “I’m sorry.” Never furthering the conversation.  

We can go through our entire lives trying to get by with a few words we know but the depth of our relationship will be at stake, and chances are we will default to our selfish tongue as soon as we are agitated or tired of not being able to communicate. Or as soon as we hear something from God that just seems too hard to translate. When I look into the eyes of my child after speaking the enemies native tongue of evil, I vow with my whole heart to learn how to speak love but then I go about doing it on my own, only getting frustrated by the process. God desires for us to spend intimate time with him, sometimes there is a little bit of work involved but most of the time we learn his language just by spending time in his presence, we learn by emersion. We learn by doing.

If you are finding yourself saying the words… “I just don’t hear God.” Or “I just don’t understand what God is saying.” It is very possible you are either not listening or you are trying to translate with the wrong language as your base.

God doesn’t let us walk into a place of peace and rest while carrying luggage laden with worry and doubt and fear and hate, unforgiveness and bitterness. If you feel like you are standing in front of a door and He just isn’t letting you in. It’s probably time to check your luggage. He wants you to enter into his freedom with Thanksgiving and Praise, with the lightness of all your burdens laid at his feet. Sometimes it seems as if God is the security guard, checking our bags for harmful items before we get to go any further, but the truth is, it is a long road ahead and we won’t make it with those heavy bags. He has a plan for our success, we have to lay down some stuff. We need to accept his helper, his translator, The Holy Spirit. We have to quit trying to get God to speak our language. He wants to speak to us with His language of love. But as long as we cling to the past of what we have always known and reject the tour guide and translator of this beautiful language we will never understand or comprehend what God is doing or saying.

Do we want to go on being childish, arrogant, lacking knowledge, confused, afraid and alone? God doesn’t want us to feel alienated. God morns for His Children as we sit in our ignorance.  So often we blame Him for the silence as we refuse to walk into the sound of His beautiful voice. Are we ready to break the language barrier?

 

God I have gotten by on the words “Thank you” and “excuse me” for far too long. Please forgive me for not learning to speak your language more fluently. I have been arrogant and childish and I want to understand you. I want to hear you and I want to speak love to others the way you speak love to me. Thank you for the Helper that you have given us. He is such a beautiful translator of your truth and love. I need him every day to guide me through. Holy Spirit take this my broken and imperfect tongue and give it words of wisdom and life. I want to follow your every move. I don’t want to miss the beautiful surprises that in store for me as I obediently follow you into places I would never find on my own. Your word oh God is such a perfect guide. Thank you for giving us a way to hear you. I pray we would not waste our days here but bring heaven to earth and speak your love every day. Amen

Lock Out

 

It was my first school lockout. I quickly held in the overwhelming emotion to keep my son from seeing my fear. The words, “No one goes in, no one comes out.” It was any ordinary day, all except for the fact that when I took my son to school at 12:30 for half day kindergarten, I couldn’t drop him off. My daughter was in there, in her second grade class. Was she o.k.? Was she scared? Was she safe?

I immediately called to God, and he quickly responded with a peace that can only be explained by the beauty of his desire to comfort me. I could feel his touch, hear his voice and my heart quickly calmed to the gentle pace of his smooth breathing. As a child who lays her head on her father’s chest to rest and find the comfort and warmth of the sound of his beating heart. It was a second, only a second, but enough time for my nerves to be calmed and to remember that my children are in his loving hands and their safety is his responsibility. One child locked in, One locked out.

These are the moments we call upon our faith and we see just how deep our well is. On this day it was full, thankfully full. But some days it seems as though the tiniest hiccup can derail me all together. We don’t see the need for our source of strength (God) when we think we have enough on our own to carry us through. I found myself in a different kind of lock out the other day. Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual in nature this lock out was caused by the threat of a less mysterious danger… Myself. 

Maybe you have experienced that moment when you fail someone so badly, you wonder if you can come back from it. For me it was with my son. Was the cause of my anger toward him some horrible thing he had done to deserve my wrath? I guess that depends on if you think spilling some oatmeal on the floor is worth the death sentence. The way I reacted you would have thought so. I guess the idea is that if you keep drawing from the well and never put back into it, eventually you come up empty. And unfortunately this well was not the living well, it was my own personal well, one that had been completely drained by a lack of sleep and my desire to carry my own burdens and try to do everything myself.

In that moment when you realize that you just called your child stupid, or you hit him out of anger, you truly feel the shock of the “lock out.” What have I done? You see the child that you love, close himself up out of protection. And until the threat is resolved, you are locked out. The shame I felt and the possibility that my son would not be able to forgive me created what could have been a very long lock out. But as shame crept further in I chose to break its hold with the simple offering of a genuine apology. I asked my son to forgive me and I explained that I was wrong to say those words and that in fact the very opposite is true. The living Well inside of me was in that moment filled with life as I allowed the truth of God’s love to enter in and flood my being.

I guess you could say this mommy experienced a few obstacles this week in her attempt to hold it all together. But in the end whether it was realizing that God is holding them when I can’t, or still holding them when I should be and fail to. He showed me that I need to be filled at all times with his love and mercy, not just utilizing his living water as an emergency store house but that his life is forever flowing and that I can use it all the time. I guess we get in the survival mindset that we should save it up for a drought, but like a steady rain God desires us to be drenched in this living water living in the understanding that it will never fail or run out.

The question God asked me this week was “What do you lack?” If we are connected to the source we should lack nothing.  Check your connection and make sure that you are truly pulling from the source.

Psalm 23:1
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing
 
James 1:2-5
 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.